i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
