at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
