At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
