I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
