i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Welp...herpes.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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