Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
