Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
