What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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