It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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