Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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