Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
