The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
