I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
