I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
