why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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