so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
