I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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