Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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