I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
