My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
