Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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