Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
