i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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