you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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