Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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