I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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