i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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