They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
