you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
