Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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