Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
