JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
