Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
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Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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