WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
