Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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