dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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