I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
then he tried to convert me to islam
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
