I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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