Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
