i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
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i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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