No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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