I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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