my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
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I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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