Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
