genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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