he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
