Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize