im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
