Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
