didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
