They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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