so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize