if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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