he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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