I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
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a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
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She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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