Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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