I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I wish I only lived at night.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
