I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
