And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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