I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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