he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
