Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
