Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
