apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
