I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
