I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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