Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
